Thursday, March 25

"I’ll drag you out
I’ll drive you out
I’ll drug you out
I’ll tear you out
I’ll cut you out
I’ll kick you out
I’ll push you out
I’ll pull you out
I cast you out
I’ll curse you out
I’ll shut you out
I’ll shit you out
I’ll clean you out
Grab a rope and hang you out to dry
Now I’ll damn you out
I cast you out
I’ll shove you out
I’m staying
All in all we’re pawns

The darkness of mankind stirs in us all


Wednesday, March 24

Dear Self,

I have come to the realization that I need to seriously, seriously get over this and move on. I have tried and tried before, but honestly I don't think I tried hard enough. This is not healthy for me. I have never been the type of person to allow someone or something take a toll of my thoughts, nor will I allow it to happen anymore. If it is a chance of doubt from the beginning, then I normally let it go at the sign of this doubt. But this... I have held on to this for about a year now. Obviously, this is not something small and thrown to the side. But now, I shall make it just that... small.
In the end, I know it is what is best for me. This whole time I have not been thinking about myself, even when I was told to thinking about myself, I didn't. I was hard-headed, and it fucked me over to be quite honest. I know, I am worth more than what I gave myself, and what was given. And I put entirely too much of myself into this subject, when from the beginning I never knew if I would or would not benefit from this. Yet, I did because I was all in. I honestly do not take anything back that I did. Regrets are something that I cannot take lightly, which is why I respect and stand by my decisions during this recent year. I will admit, I have been in denial for the most part, but luckily I am not foolish to continue to allow my feelings drag on. I know I would be ten times more hurt then what I am as of now. It was genuine, true and noble without a doubt, and my mind, soul and spirit were completely all in, I'm talking peddle to the metal, burning rubber. Not saying that I wouldn't do it again, I just know not to be so quick to put myself on the ledge again.

I know I would have been happy and in a good spot if it would have happened, but it didn't. I can't read the future but I am presuming it never will. Yet, I know it was not my lost... Well, I may have lost just a little. I'm grateful for knowing what it felt like to actually, I'm guessing be in love or very very close to it. Because I can genuinely say it was true, at least to me. I know this was all really really. . . really bad timing, but I am one that will not complain. Yeah... I cried in silence, I've given everything away and maybe I can learn to fall for someone who can give me all. The things that I'm not afraid to lose. I just know for the first time in my life, I refuse to worry about the future, however things turn out, it's all right. Cause he has already changed my life. But I'll just end this a long goodbye. kbye :)

Signed,
Chrysta Camille West

Tuesday, March 23

the only two places i feel absolutely safe are either in bed with fresh, white sheets and pillows surrounding my head or in water. like on the bottom of a swimming pool. alone. weightless. peaceful. nobody talking. nobody pretending. just being. those are the only two places. everywhere else i get smacked in the face with arrogance, ignorance, shallowness. they knock me down and leave me bleeding on the floor.

Thursday, March 18

my hearts an open book, you can read it if you'd like...

"Office Life"




-this is how i am feeling

just once, that's all...

Monday, March 15

"i know you don't believe in fairy tales, but if you did...i want to be your knight in shining amour. you've been through so much, i don't want to see you hurt anymore. now i may not be able to give you all that your use to. but i do that i can love you past your pain. i don't want you to worry about anything, i mean, just wake up in the morning. that's all you have to do, and i'll take it from there..."




- Diary of a Mad Black Woman

Saturday, March 13

MJ♥









reaching out to touch a stranger
electric eyes are everywhere
see that girl, she know i'm watching
she like the way i stare...

and they say why, why?
tell that its human nature
why, why? would does he do me that way

Friday, March 12

"if you know what this means, it means it was probably meant for you"

go go go! this sunday!!!


the choice is yours no matter what it is
to choose life, is to forgive
you dont have to try and hurt em or break their pride
just shake the wait off
and you'll be ready to fly.

one shot to your heart without breaking your skin...

speak to my heart

Wednesday, March 10

Wednesday, March 3

:)

you inspire me. the way you make me feel inside is amazing. your honesty, your artistry is engaging. you are everything i hope to be. you have touch my soul, i want you to know, you are my hero. you got so much soul, to put it plain and simple; you are wonderful.